Phnom Penh

 It took about 6 hours to get from Sihanoukville to Phnom Penh via air conditioned bus and cost me 600 baht ($20) but had I driven myself, it would've taken just under 3 hours (I drive fast). As soon as we set foot off the bus in the city center, there were tuktuks and motorbikes for hire hovering around like vultures going in for the kill.

I found a polite tuktuk driver who said he'd take me to a safe and cheap guesthouse for $3

and, after that, to and from Choeung Ek (The Killing Fields) which is about 17 kilometres (10 miles) away from Phnom Penh, for $15. I tried to barter a bit, but his prices seemed fair enough so I didn't make a big fuss over it. We arrived at Golden Home Guesthouse in no time. He told me to go inside and look at a room and see if I liked it, and he waited outside while I did surveillance.

The only room available was on the fourth floor, and I had had an accident before I'd left Bangkok, re-injuring my gimpy left knee. Hobble hobble hobble. A room with a fan cost $15. It was clean, and had running water. It appeared that there used to be a water heater, but it's now just a useless piece of plastic with one wire jutting out at the top. Super safe! I haven't seen any Cambodian guesthouses with toilet paper yet, and this is my second time in Cambodia, and fourth city visited in the Kingdom. While the bathroom appeared to be very clean, the sink leaks onto the tile floor, and when you flush the toilet, the sink doesn't work at all. If you've been to Southeast Asia before, you're probably used to the shower, sink, and toilet, all in the same area, and the spray nozzle for your butt, that's attached to the toilet tank. There wasn't even a bar of soap in the bathroom?!?!  It's become a habit now; I carry tissues, toilet paper, liquid soap, and antibacterial wipes with me everywhere I go.

  Fast Forward, I chucked my backpack in my room, and ran downstairs to check in, then hopped in my awaiting tuktuk to The Killing Fields. my driver stopped and bought 2 surgical masks. I thanked him but said I'd be fine, I smoke so much that a little dust wouldn't bother me. (Later on I blew my nose and my boogers were black.) The road to Choeung Ek was one of the most heinous roads I've ever been on. Someone could lose an eye or a limb, or both, easily. There were cranes, tractors, open trenches, motorbikes going in every which way, variations of paved, unpaved, cobbled, and red dirt roads, and all part of the same street. Nothing startles me anymore. And near-collisions don't count. We were literally an inch away from a mack truck that decided to do a u-turn mid traffic. Pebbles flew everywhere and there was so much dust that it was hard to see in front of us.

Luckily, even in gridlock, it didn't take terribly long to get to the Choeung Ek Genocidal Center. My tuktuk driver said he'd be waiting under the trees for me and showed me the way to the entrance. The admission fee was $5, and I was given headphones and an electronic device with a number pad on it that served as my virtual tour guide. I won't go into too much detail, because I don't want to ruin the experience for those that have not yet been to Choeung Ek; i personally had been moved to tears, and left the museum with a new awareness.

  

Around 1:10 a.m. after dicking around online, I felt a bit peckish, so I climbed down the 4 flights of stairs and asked a hotel worker if there were any restaurants open. He gestured towards the dark street and told me I could take a look but he was pretty sure everything was closed. I asked if the guesthouse's kitchen was open, and he said it was. Well why the heck didn't you tell me sooner, numbnut?!

I sat down and saw a table tent: Restaurant hours 6 a.m. to 2 a.m. Geez Louise, those are long hours for the kitchen staff. I sat down and ordered a salami, cheese, and tomato toastie, which was basically a panini, and a diet coke. A short while later a Cambodian girl and an obviously intoxicated Caucasian male walked in and sat at the table next to mine. I played on my phone the whole time until my food arrived, oblivious to the world. After inhaling my sandwich, I craved something sweet, and ordered a Malteser Crunchie, which was 3 scoops of french vanilla icecream, crushed Maltesers, and hot fudge.

 After that, it was cigarette time, and I had to pack my brand new smokes. I'm guessing my loud cigarette packing made the Caucasian guy turn around and ask me if I was on vacation. I told him it was more of a stay-cation, and I'd been traveling since July. Turns out he's from Canada, and the girl he was with was a local Khmer girl who bartends on Street 104, the riverfront pub street, which is notorious for sex tourism. We chatted for a long bit, and Canada told me he used to be in the military. This was after I mentioned how much trash and filth I had seen in Phnom Penh. He retorted by saying Afghanistan was worse, and thought Thailand was pretty filthy too, and smells bad. I got the feeling he doesn't care much for Thailand. Told me he had somehow broken his jaw and was laying on the ground bleeding as 15 Thai people just glanced at him and kept walking. Sad.

 An older German man asked if he could sit down and join us, and i gestured yes. Mid conversation, a beautiful Khmer girl, with long blonde hair, tons of makeup, porcelain skin, and a petite perfect body walked out from one of the rooms, accompanied by an older, dark haired, European-looking guy. Apparently it costs anywhere from $8 to $50 to have a prostitute over. I can never get over the fact that it's normal for a girl to sell her vagina for money. I talked to Canada about it and he said it was perfectly normal in Southeast Asia and I should get used to it. I made a comment about how guys who have to pay for sex should go home and shoot themselves in the face, and he said he had paid for sex before. Sigh.

 He said selling your body is a job. You work, you make money, it's your job. He said he feels like the king of the world in Pattaya and Phnom Penh, but admitted it gets annoying to be haggled by prostitutes when you're just trying to have a beer and watch football. My opinion: Caucasian men who frequent Southeast Asia and pay for sex are usually the dorks in the Western world, that can't get laid no matter how hard they try, and their sex life consists of porn sites, magazines, and their left and/or right hand.

After Canada and his girl left, Germany asked what I was doing tonight. I said, "Sleeping." He offered me a beer and I lied and told him I was on antibiotics.  He told me a tale of how he took a girl home and thought she just liked him and wanted to hang out, but asked for $25 at the end of the night. He then asked if I was sleeping alone and I said, "Of course!" He went to the restroom, and I hobbled as fast as I could up to my room and locked the door. Not open for business. Ever.

  

Bits and pieces of Malaysia in 4 days

  Took the ferry from Ko Lanta to Ao Nang and met up with Holly at McDonald's, where she was finishing up her cheeseburger. We had planned on meeting at 3ish p.m. but my ferry kept stopping to transfer passengers to other vessels. I got to McDonald's a few minutes before 4 p.m. We were trying to figure out where to go, and walked towards the beach, and found a ticket agent after a few minutes. I asked him about ticket prices, to Kuala Lumpur, Langkawi, and Penang.

We couldn't decide on where to go first, so Holly tossed a coin. Heads, Kuala Lumpur. Tails, Langkawi. Tails won, so off to Langkawi we were the next morning. Our tickets cost 850 baht, and included pick-up at our guesthouse. It was late afternoon, and there was no available transport for the same day so we chose to be picked up at 6:00 a.m. Bad news bears. We ended up going out later in the evening, after we'd cleaned up and stashed our stuff at our guesthouse, J Mansion in Ao Nang. I've stayed at other guesthouses in the area, and J Mansion is, by far, one of the cleanest, and most affordable places I've encountered. Highly recommend it!

  Where was I? Oh, yeah, we had dinner overlooking the beach at Aning Restaurant, then to Full Moon Bar for a beer, and then yet another bar (don't remember the name), then finally, back to the guesthouse to sleep for a few hours.

  Our pickup service was a bit tardy, not so surprising in Thailand. We drove around for a good 2 hours, retrieving all the passengers on the roster. Between ferries and motorbikes, and tuktuks and songtaews, my hair had formed one giant dreadlock underneath, and I spent most of the minivan ride trying to undo the knot! When we arrived at Bara Port, several hours later, I was still trying to undo my hair...the British girl seated next to me on the minivan took pity on me, and lent me her lint brush. It helped...a little...must. use. conditioner.

We had about 30 minutes to spare at Bara Port, and I changed from gypsy pants into shorts in the smelly bathroom, and Holly went and did the same. We were to line up at 1 p.m. to have our passports stamped by the port officials before boarding the ferry. I'd never been on such a grimy ferry, with so much passenger space. There was a fruit vendor who tried to sell me grapefruit and mango. I told her fruit upsets my stomach, and she backed off. We chose a backrow, and every so often I'd get a whiff of the bathroom in the back of the ferry.

We set sail around 1:30 p.m. and exhaust fumes hit me in the face. I told Holly I was going upstairs to check out the view. We ended up at Pemerikaan Port at around 3:00 p.m. and had to be stamped into Malaysia. All the foreign passport holders seemed to get stamped in promptly, while Asian passport holders got detained and searched for no apparent reason. Holly waited for me for a good 20 minutes while the immigration officer in my line detained the 2 Asian girls in front of me. Finally, it was my turn, and the officer looked at my U.S. passport, stamped it, and handed it back to me. Finally, we were in Malaysia!

Pemerikaan Port is no joke. Langkawi is a duty free island, and there were so many shops, and so many people running rampant. It was sensory overload. We walked around for a bit trying to take it all in, and were propositioned by taxi drivers. 30 ringgit seemed to be rather pricey for a cab ride. We kept walking, towards the KFC and 7-11, and found a cabbie who would take us to Cenang Beach for 25 ringgit. I was smoking a cig, and he told me not to rush. He pulled out some cigarettes as well, and lit one up. They looked like they were wrapped in bamboo, but it was a pale colored leaf, and he said it contained fresh tobacco...

  It took about 30-40 minutes from Pemerikaan Port to Cenang Beach, and our driver dropped us off near a bunch of guesthouses. It was really hot that day, and we went from guesthouse to guesthouse, trying to find the best deal. None of the guesthouses were under 50 ringgit. We had just about given up, when I spotted Amani Guesthouse. 45 ringgit per night. There was a huge dead beetle and various other insects on the stairwell on the way up to our room. This was the least of our worries.

 The room was threadbare, with patches of paint missing from the walls, stains on the sheets, and burn marks on the furniture. The bathroom was your typical South East Asian bathroom, with no separate shower, and this one didn't even have a sink! The hotel worker was very kind, however, and we were sweaty, and tired, and agreed to stay there for a night, even though I grimaced at the thought of sleeping in that room.

 We tried our best to avoid staying in our room, and stayed out for as long as was humanly possible. We found a Thai restaurant called Rose Tea 2, and had some chicken pad thai for dinner, and coffee at Starbucks. Do not order the red velvet cake in Malaysia! I don't know what their idea of cream cheese is, but whatever they're putting in their velvet cake is ruining it. We found a mini mart nearby, and stocked up on cartons of cigarettes. I hadn't seen Pall Malls since Europe, so I got a carton of 'em for 45 ringgit!

  The next morning we left our bags at the guesthouse and found a ticket agent straight ahead. Langkawi was beautiful, but very expensive in comparison to the rest of SEA. Our ticket agent was a portly, butch, Malysian woman, who told us it was our fault that everything was getting more and more expensive in Malaysia. She was riot, and made us laugh the whole time we were booking our ferry to Georgetown. 77 ringgit, and we were to be picked up at 4 p.m. We spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach, catching some rays, and just chill-axing.

  We arrived at the jetty port in Georgetown at around 9 p.m. and shared a cab to Chinatown with a guy we met, who said he lived in French Guyana. I had pre-booked a guesthouse on agoda.com, and our cab driver took us there, but it was so far away from everything,  and looked to be in a dodgy neighbourhood. I ended up running upstairs and trying to cancel my reservation, but the lady at the front desk told me I had to contact agoda.com directly, that she couldn't do anything at this point. Ok. I later emailec agoda.com, but haven't heard back from them.

  We got dropped off in Chinatown and must've checked out rooms at about 10 different guesthouses. Our friend from French Guyana was carrying a 34 kg backpack, containing all of his dive equipment. I don't know how he managed. Holly and I grew weary and settled on 75 Traveller's Lodge, 40 ringgit per night. Georgetown seemed to be a bit cheaper than Langkawi, with a massive array of street food...from chow fun to dimsum to sushi, and all for about 2 ringgit per order. HALLELUJAH!

  In the morning, we walked over to Banana Travel and booked our bus from Georgetown to Kuala Lumpur, 35 ringgit. We explored Georgetown, as we had half the day free to sight see, and decided that China and India had thrown up there, and Georgetown was the byproduct. We came across a beautiful Hindu temple, but alas, it was locked up. We then stumbled upon a Chinese temple, one of the only examples of Teo Chew architecture in the city. Wandered through Little India, and wafts of incense slapped us in the face. Every couple of blocks, we'd find a wrought iron cartoon, some with a story, some freestanding. They were the highlight of Georgetown, to me, as well as the old old old old old examples of architecture, influenced by so many different cultures. It was scorchingly hot and we sat down for iced white coffee at Kaffa Kafa. I'd never seen, or heard of white coffee until I got to Malaysia, but apparently, it's very popular with the locals.
  Our pickup service was very very late and I had to call to remind the tour agency. I had bought a Malaysian sim card and it proved to be very useful. We got to our bus, just in the knick of time, and were told to hurry and get on the bus. If our driver hadn't been so very late, then we wouldn't have had to hurry now, would we? We got on the bus, and it was MASSIVE, with more leg room than I've ever had in any bus I've ever been on. The seats had plenty of reclining room and even had an adjustable leg rest?!?! No cupholders though...not that I needed one...I slept the whole way to Kuala Lumpur.

I think our journey took 6-7 hours, and the bus dropped us off in Puduraya. I had contacted a Couchsurfing host and texted him to let him know we were waiting in front of the 7-11 on Jalan Pudu Lama. he showed up in a cab and told us to get in. He lived about 20 minutes outside of KL, JLN Cahaya to be exact, and the total cab fare was 30 ringgit. he was telling us that his landlady was a nice Chinese woman, and he rented a room in their house. on his Couchsurfing profile, he never mentioned that we'd all be sleeping in the same room, but he was nice enough to give up his bed, so that was ok. As an added bonus, we could smoke inside.

  We must've been exhausted because Holly and I woke up a little before 1 p.m. the next day. We quickly showered and headed to the train station, and went sightseeing. "Sightseeing" ended up being shown around malls. Times Square and Pavilion. Riveting. (Not really.) We had lunch at Nando's, which I fell in love with in London, and was really excited to see the chain in Kuala Lumpur. After lunch we went over to Trader's Hotel and took the elevator up to the 33rd floor, to Sky Bar. The view from up top was spectacular, and I got up on the cushions to take pictures of the Twin Towers. not so spectacular was the price tag for my iced green tea, 15 ringgit?!?!

It was sprinkling, and then full on raining, as we headed back over to Times Square for Starbuck's coffee, and then over to Pavilion, again, to have dinner at the food court. The food court was massive, and I had a hard time deciding what to eat...I spotted a sign for 'Penang Street Food' in the back, and made a beeline for it. The kiosk was called "Mee Jawa', and their spicy noodles were YUM!!! We ended up at Mac Residence, which was a huge highrise condominium, where one of our friend's friend of a friend of a friend lived.

Apparently it was a Coucsurfing potluck gathering, and the dining room table was covered with food from every nation. We met a Dutch girl, a French girl, some Algerians, and Nigerians, 2 Malaysians, and of course, there was our Couchsurfing host who is Saudi Arabian. A bottle of wine, a bottle of whisky, and off we went to the pubs. lot of beer, lots of dancing, and i got quite friendly with one of the couchsurfer boys?! at some point we left in a taxi and somehow got rerouted from our couchsurfing host's house to a house in Cyberjaya, a good 40 minutes south of Kuala Lumpur. I'm guessing the boy i got friendly with at the bar wanted to see me again. We got there and finished all the booze in the house, and the sun had been up for quite some time. I think it was 8:30 a.m. by the time boy and i made it to his bed. And no, I did not put out for a warm bed to sleep in...

eating & drinking my way through southeast asia

Spicy pork hock salad

 

Chinese bunny treats

Pad Thai

Winged bean salad

Cream of corn soup (so not Thai) but I had it in Thailand hey

Boat noodles

Cheese (again, not Thai)

Old fashioned Thai iced tea

Chrysanthemum iced tea

Grilled pork skewers, spicy grilled pork salad, sticky rice

Red velvet cake

Fresh coconut ice cream with corn, peanuts, and condensed milk

Roti with condensed milk and sugar

Chinese style crispy pork over rice

Fried catfish salad

Honey toast

Far right, fried fish cakes

Sauteed meat & veg

Loog choob (sweet yellow bean paste glazed with gelatin)

Braised beef & rice noodles in savory beef broth

Khanom sai sie (coconut custard with a sweet center)

Fish & chips

Top right: Omelet with minced pork 

Bottom right: Fried bananas with honey

Left: Fruit shakes

Yakult

Guava with sugar, salt & chili

Khanom Jeen Nahm Ngeaw, a northern Thai noodle dish, with thin round, rice noodles, minced pork and baby pork ribs, blood cubes, tomatoes, and dried Ngiw flowers in a clear, spicy broth

                                              

Soft Shell Crab Bun

Sliced rare beef with thin rice noodles in a savory beef broth 

Xiao Long Bao

Yen ta fo, spicy seafood soup with fish balls, blood cubes, and rice noodles

Froyo in a fish shaped, custard-filled waffle, served with a dark chocolate-dipped fresh fruit skewer

Best of the season mango ice cream

Dan Dan Mien

Pork belly bun

Salmon with Ikura Chirashi

Gin & citrus cocktail

Americano

Perfectly medium rare

Piccolo Latte

Watermelon shake

Pina Colada

Chocolate sundae

Mini cupcakes galore

Clam chowder in sourdough bowl

Siem Reap Shenanigans

I think I heard roosters cock-a-doodle-doooing when i left for mochit bus station at 5 a.m. to catch the bus to Aranyaprathet. Apparently mochit had moved to a new location, unbeknownst to me. The cab driver knew where he was going though. As we approached the bus station, he asked if i wanted to be dropped off at the overpass and cross over, otherwise he'd have to make a u-turn into pretty heavy traffic. there was no way in hell i was lugging my backpack across the bridge. basically i'm the worst backpacker ever. my cab fare was 140 baht or something like that.

i walked up to the ticket window and asked for a ticket to aranyaprathet and it ended up costing me 238 baht for a 2nd class air conditioned bus, departing at 6 am. i had time to buy snacks and cigs at the 7-11 and before i knew it, the bus and i were on our merry way. thai buses always stop for locals along the way so our voyage took way longer than it should've. we got to aranyaprathet bus terminal and had to take a tuktuk to the border itself. our female tuktuk driver took us to a building which was supposedly the cambodian embassy?

it seemed shady so i asked the irish couple i shared the tuktuk with what they thought. we ended up waiting in line at the border for our visas. after that ordeal, we had to find the free shuttle which transported us to yet another bus terminal. non air con bus fare from poipet to siem reap was $10 and took several hours, i think it was 2ish-3. nothing but rice paddies, field. anorexic cows and red dirt roads the whole way there. as we approached siem reap, there were several high end hotels and resorts, and our bus parked in an alley where motorbikes and tuktuks were waiting to take us to our next destination. my irish bus buddies and i parted ways.

 my motobike for hire asked where i wanted to go and o said that i had no clue, somewhere clean and cheap. Angkor Western Lodge deep in a poorly lit street was where i ended up. $6 per night for a stuffy room with a fan, no hot water, stained sheets that made me itch all night, and a toilet that leaked. i noticed that the hotel workers slept in the common area, on mats on the floor. i woke up with 6 spider bites. i hope they were spider bites. there was noise from drunk people all night long as well as multiple dogs barking non-stop. the next day i went in search of a room closer to the center of town and found Ponloue Anglor Villa for $12 per night. the room was clean, had a mini fridge, hot water, and a/c, plus towels! what a luxury! towels and clean bed linens! the hotel clerk was very friendly and seemed very interested in everything i had to say. i didn't think anything of if.

 i went to Angkor Western Lodge to grab my backpack and bring it to the new guesthouse. i had to hire a tuktuk for $1 and he drove me to the new guesthouse and carried my bag up for me. by the way, atm machines in siem reap spit out crispy U.S. dollars. most vendors and stores accept dollars as well as cambodian riel. where was i? oh, so the hotel clerk at the new guesthouse walked me back up to my room even though i knew where my room was and checked the a/c (which didn't really work btw) and plugged in my mini fridge for me. i thought that was a nice touch. he lingered for a moment and then asked if he could stay in touch with me, he thought i was very sexy and saw my necklace that says "fuck".

i'd had this necklace made a long time ago. it has white gold letters that spell fuck along with wings on either side, thus, a flying fuck. the hotel clerk must've gotten the wrong idea. i asked him if he acted this way with all hotel guests? i said he was making me uncomfortable and he replied,"just kidding" and walked off.. later that evening, i my couchsurfing host came to pick me up in his tuktuk. we drove quite awhile out of the city, to West Baray Lake, and had spicy raw green bean salad as we watched the sun set over the lake. On the way back, we stopped and visited the orphanage where my friend Ratha donates his time and English skills. what an upstanding individual, right?

i was supposed to couchsurf with him but changed my mind, since accomodations were inexpensive amyway in siem reap. after visiting the kids at the orphanage, ratha and i went to a cambodian restaurant and had some cambodian beer, served by a beer girl, dressed in a short red and white outfit, looking much like a flight attendant or something. i let ratha do the ordering. stir fried beef and chives accompanied by sliced and toasted baguettes and morning glory stalks with fatty ground pork. we had a good time. ratha dropped me back off at the hotel and we made plans to hang out again the following day.

i think i slept in late and awoke to. persistent banging on my door. i opened the door and it was the perv hotel clerk. he said he was sorry to disturb me and just wanted to know if i wanted to stay another night. i nodded and shut the door. not feeling 100%, i. went and walked around pub street, had an espresso and hot apple pie, and wandered the night market. i got back to the guesthouse at around 10ish. 15 minutes after i had gotten back to my room, i heard light knocking. it kept going for about an hour or so. i called ratha twice amd he was out drinking but came to retrieve me.

i ended up checking out of the guesthouse at close to midnight, and when i told the hotel owners about the knocking, the looked at me like i was crazy and wouldn't give me a refund. ratha took me to chenla guesthouse, which was quite a ways from the center of town. for $15, i got a sparkling clean room with plush towels, a mini fridge, crisp cold a/c, hot water, toilet that didn't leak and flushed, and even 2 complimentary bottles of water. i sent my friend on a mission. i wanted to smoke opium. so we did. he started acting weird so i excused myself and went to my room. i got some pretty strange texts a short while later. i'll let you read them yourself.

my intention was to hang out in siem reap for a few days, head to phnom penh, and then sihanoukhville. well after all the lechery, not to mention lots of prank calls, i was over cambodia. i basically booked a busride out of siemreap at 7:00am the following day. the bus showed up at 7:48am. a/c bus ride ended up costing $14. we got to the thai-cambodia border and immigration took 2 freaking hours. by the time we got to khao san road on bangkok it was nearly 7 pm and i needed a beer (or 12) like no one's business. i had recruited a british guy, chris, and we ended up at the iron faeries (a bar in Thonglor) then back to khao san road for beer from a cart. i had a 365 baht "room" at the green house in on soi rambuttri but it wasn't really a room. it was reminiscent of a jail cell...didn't matter though, i was on enough valium and booze to kill a small elephant and don't even remember when i crashed out. it must've been instantaneous.